Preface
When The Road Disappears
Larissa Ellen Gionfriddo Podermanski at her home on September 7, 2017 while on assignment for Breast Cancer Research Foundation (BCRF). Photo by Jennifer Langille
“Always shining,
always thriving,
always loving life.”
As a professional photographer with over ten years of experience, 2017 was my best and worst year. Every weekend from May through October was booked, leaving little time for anything else. I yearned for a balance between work that paid the bills and personal work that filled my soul. However, my upbringing taught me the importance of seizing paid opportunities first. As a Vermont photographer, this often included a season of weddings. For me, it was my busiest year yet.
During those busy months, I was constantly behind my cameras or on my computer, editing photos during the week and traveling to beautiful wedding locations on weekends. Each week brought a new love story, and every photo captured pure joy. Capturing these moments was, after all, my superpower. But they also left me physically and mentally exhausted. Often turning down engagements with friends or fun unpaid photographic opportunities.
However, I did grab an opportunity to work with the New York City-based nonprofit, the Breast Cancer Research Foundation (BCRF). This leading cancer research organization hired me to create a series of “day-in-the-life” photo essays of women affected by breast cancer. I worked on these assignments during the week, often editing late into the night to keep up with the workload. It was a demanding and fulfilling project. One that would change the lens I use to picture my life through.
I can’t turn my back, or camera, on supporting important causes, and sadly, cancer has personally affected me. I’ve had two cancer scares with positive outcomes, but many loved ones have not been as fortunate. My father is surviving skin and mouth cancer, his father passed away from lung cancer, and my maternal grandfather lost a fight with stomach cancer. Working with an organization raising money to fund cancer research was, and continues to be, deeply meaningful to me.
Left to Right: Sitting with my father, just tiny tot with her maternal grandfather, and precious moment with paternal grandfather. Photos from Jennifer's family archive.
The imagery I created for BCRF was paired with personal stories of courageous women. Our work helped donors connect with BCRF’s mission. In September of 2017 they hired me to spend a day with Larissa Podermanski. A young woman diagnosed with terminal metastatic breast cancer before turning 30. Until that point, the women I photographed were in remission. Which meant their cancer was not currently active or was undetected.
Spending the day with someone facing a terminal diagnosis was humbling. Yet, my research uncovered Larissa’s dedication to thriving, which I found inspiring. She was also committed to her nonprofit work providing transportation for people with disabilities. Helping others thrive, too.
Larissa Ellen Gionfriddo Podermanski. Photo by Jennifer Langille
I met Larissa at her home in Hartford, CT on September 7th, 2017. She immediately greeted me with warmth and hospitality. Furthermore, she was excited and enthusiastic to have a personal photographer for the day.
Our time together would begin with a visit to the salon to shave her hair ahead of chemotherapy treatment. During the drive to the salon, Larissa shared her struggles with losing her hair the first time. For this second experience, she chose to share it publicly, live-streaming the event on Facebook. I was in awe of her bravery to share this personal experience with strangers.
During the livestream I carefully positioned myself to capture different angles and her emotions. There was one moment in particular where Larissa’s vulnerability shone through as she tilted her head down. Her smile faded and the sound of the clippers felt painfully loud. In that moment I wished my camera was a magic wand.
Larissa regained her composure, squared her shoulders and smiled radiantly. Just like that, it was over. We continued with the day, meeting her mom and others, grocery shopping for chemotherapy-friendly foods, and visiting her oncologist. I’ve worked with many impressive people, but Larissa’s stoic way of facing each day was truly inspiring.
Larissa Ellen Gionfriddo Podermanski. Photo by Jennifer Langille
My memory cards were full and it was time to leave Larissa and her husband in the doctor’s care. Overwhelmed with emotions, I called my contact at BCRF to express gratitude for the opportunity. It was bittersweet knowing it was unlikely I’d see Larissa again, and this was my last assignment with the organization.
Driving away I questioned my career path. The following morning I returned to being a wedding photographer. The urgency to earn money replaced my desire for change. How else was I going to may my heating bill?
Thoughts of Larissa lingered in the weeks to follow, inspiring me to explore a different photographic focus. I began researching other female photographers who have devoted their careers to documenting impactful stories. Diving deep into the work of Dorothea Lange, Frances Benjamin Johnston, Lynsey Addario, and Ami Vitale. I wondered if I could forge a new path with my camera. Daydreaming of a journey where every road did not bring me back to the same place.
